Can you give me too much time

So he will feel that you are right for him


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  1. And I came across the article here because I recently said to my loved one that it was all too much for me and he then googled “she says it's all too much for her”. But I didn't just refer to him, and he doesn't mean a hair less to me because of that and is a great man, but I googled the male counterpart to it. 🙂

  2. This is a phenomenon that fascinates me and makes me angry at the same time. In my environment, too, this narrowing is mainly caused by women, and especially when it starts like this in the getting-to-know phase, I find it extremely difficult to develop understanding for these women afterwards.

    Whereby I tend to sympathize and what fortunately I have not yet experienced myself is that a man suddenly leaves the dust while building a relationship, and I absolutely understand when women then react irritated and hurt, if there really is no justifiable evidence for there is an abrupt refusal. In the end, we women only ever hear our girlfriend's version and that sounds mostly very one-sided: He's to blame. Point. And if you don't agree, you're not a girlfriend. I see it differently. We often overlook the first warning signs or do not want to admit them.

    With my husband and I, it's the other way around, and that's how our relationship actually began: I was and am always the one who needs a lot of time for myself and has to be careful not to give my partner the impression of being disinterested. Since we already had sex the first night, I judged him straight away as a womanizer and didn't expect our date to continue. In retrospect, I'm sorry to have thought so bad of him. But it was probably my way of protecting my feelings so as not to be disappointed. He stayed in my life and had a long hard time with my thirst for freedom.

    Now my husband can handle it because he can assess my character better, but I still believe that it will remain my job to pay enough attention to him so that the tide doesn't turn at some point.

  3. Do these guides also help if he lives abroad and only visits relatives once a year?
    We have been chatting several times a day via WhatsApp for 1 year.
    We tease, discuss, reconcile and love each other like an old married couple or very best friends ...... But I don't know how he really feels !?

  4. I 47 met an old friend 50 again on Facebook in April last year! We wrote great together all day, noticed that he lives just around the corner from me and promptly ended up in the box at the end of the day.
    But then he explained to me that he doesn't want to have a steady relationship! He is so happy with his life and loves to be alone. He doesn't need to justify anything and is completely satisfied with his 6 year old single life! I ... no problem ... what do I have to lose ... have fun every now and then and good!
    But it didn't take long and I fell completely in love! I told him and he blocked it immediately and wanted to end it immediately! But then I was able to persuade him by telling him not to panic .... I have a grip on my feelings in order to keep him natural and not to lose him! At some point, I'll crack it, I thought! It went on like this for months, sometimes more, sometimes less! But when we met, He was always so passionate about it and I had the feeling that He would want to eat me up right away and couldn't believe that there are no feelings with him! Of course, there were often arguments and almost a breakup because I always wanted more! But somehow we couldn't with each other but also not without ... .. so it always went on somehow! We have a lot of common interests and we laughed a lot together! But I wanted more, what I wasn't allowed to show and that was really tough!
    Then I got the audio book from you “From an Affair to a Relationship” and pulled it off! In the end, he came too and confessed to me that he had been missing something for the last few weeks! But this state did not last long and continued to hold on to my long arm! Everything just went the way He wanted it to be. If I wanted to see him then ... he had no time! He never stayed with me or I stayed with him! Whenever we saw each other at coffee, there was only one kiss, on the cheek, but when we were in bed, He could kiss heavenly!
    Then at the beginning of April of this year, I ended it after all, because I couldn't anymore and I would have perished!
    Then in the middle of April his birthday came and an old friend of his showed interest in me! He couldn't figure it out at all and the next day he confessed to me that He was jealous! I was happy inside and thought ... now I have him! Ok… ..then we start again… .but then had 3 things, which should then be different! 1. When we see each other like that, I would like not just a kiss on the cheek, but always a normal kiss on the mouth! 2. I would like to spend a night with him from time to time and wake up next to him in the morning! 3. Do something together sometimes!
    He then went into it and also had the feeling that he thinks it is good! It went like this for about 2-3 weeks! Everything was good! And suddenly he stopped calling! When I asked him ... "will you come over", there were some excuses that he couldn't! When I wrote to him, an answer came 2 hours later! And now He has ended it overnight! And he thinks there is no going back either, which I don't believe! He thinks I narrowed him down with my demands and he never wanted to go there! But why the jealousy? Then surely there should be feelings with him now? Why is He ending it now?
    I didn’t let up and I’ve got him to the point that we’re not seeing or writing for 4 weeks and then want to sit down again and look for a solution to our problem! The suggestion came from me! And He agreed to it!
    What can I do, what can I offer him, how things could go in the future? I can't without it, I have to get it back!

  5. What you can do?
    Shoot him down for good.
    I was in such an “almost” relationship for years, it only cost me heartbreak and this “What can I do so that he finally wants me?”.
    At some point I just broke off the contact overnight (yes, he arrived too. But only because he missed me - not because he noticed how much he wanted me).
    For that I am now one richer in knowledge:
    And really.
    Without manipulation, games, "What can I do to make him .." etc.

    I hope you have this realization at some point.

  6. Good evening.
    I (43) have been with a man (46) for 6 months. We have a lot of common ideas, attitudes, the same sense of humor, the same love for animals and nature, we can talk to each other very well and we really enjoy the little time we have together. The physical component is also right. We are very in love with each other and it all feels very harmonious.
    We live an hour's drive away from each other and both have a lot to do, he also has a daughter (13), half of the time with him and my daughter (10) lives with me all the time. But none of that is a problem.
    For me only the following difficulty crystallized out more clearly in the last day, but maybe I also hear the fleas coughing or I am once again very "overly sensitive": I have the feeling that he only wants to experience the sunny side with me. He has a lot to do with himself (renovates his house, the ex-girlfriend is very jealous and puts him under pressure - but he takes a clear position on me, he sometimes worries about his daughter when the mother is easy crazy (they are 1.5 years apart, but lives next door because of their child) and otherwise he has a lot to work. But I also have small construction sites in my life and have the feeling that I have to steer clear of them. because otherwise he still feels responsible for me and then gets an attack of excessive demands in the form of withdrawal and latent nippiness with meanness.
    This is because: He always wants to do a lot and everything perfectly and to help and to bring structure in and repair things, etc. - but has so much to do at home that he hardly has any free time. If he has done too much for me, he always submerges completely reserved for 1-3 days - although I have never asked him to do so, I have to say that! I am not very good at accepting help and I can do everything well on my own - just not as perfect and structured as he is. It hurts all the more now that he accused me of always having the feeling that he had to help me. But that would also be a real problem. Now the deal is that he stays out of my business. (Unfortunately I feel a little let down inside and the feeling of an "affair" is there if you just want to share the funny sides)
    ... Then he is very cool on the phone for about 3 days and just wants to stay with himself. He can do that too. He thinks he'll react so coolly because I don't react as he would quietly hope for: namely, so he said: "Hey, stay with you for the time being, get your things done" and should silently think to me " the old man has his tense 3 days again ... "
    Only today did he explain to me - after we were green again - that he just always wants to be "the great one", where everything works well and when he notices that he is overwhelmed and that I am "strangely boring him" (eg " hm, why don't you come to visit me on Saturday after all, my dearest? ”) I followed up on the few times because he totally unsettled me with his retreat and I was worried that he wouldn't see me anymore want.
    He is the “doer” who can do everything and also always wants to be the “boss”, that's why he knows, but cannot turn it off. It seems to matter to him.
    And it's getting more and more ?!
    I am happy about assessments, similar relationships, etc.

  7. Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 1/2 years. For me it is great love. When we got together, he came relatively fresh (about half a year) from a relationship that lasted 8 years. Yes, everything was great, he said so often how great I am and that I was perfect for him. About half a year ago we had a miscarriage. then we were on vacation with friends (party vacation) and now 2 months later he thinks his head is going crazy. Although he is happy and I would be perfect and it's not up to me, he still doesn't know whether he wants a relationship or would rather be single. It makes him think that he thinks like that and I'm devastated. Can't stop crying despite always coming up to me to cuddle or kiss me. I'm just so scared that he'll leave me. That would break me. He says I can't do anything, he has to deal with it himself, but I have to be able to do something to convince him that it is the right thing to continue the relationship. I urgently need advice ...

  8. I'm Melanie and I'm 34 years old and I've been together with my boyfriend for 14 months for 40 years. It's so nice to have him and I'm very happy with him. I want to move in with him, but he keeps blocking. It's desperate because he keeps saying I'm the right one, but he doesn't want to move in with me. He's also never lived with any of his previous girlfriends. What should I do?

  9. Move on. What future is there? You want someone to move in with. It doesn't work with him and he is definitely not the last man in the world that you can love. It's tough but it's a reality, in my opinion.

  10. Hi Melanie,
    He is probably afraid that something will change, that you will get on your mind or that you will start to get bored with everyday life. Or that when he can no longer design his rooms himself. Talk to him how he imagines living together. How about, for example, if everyone designed their own room.
    At least that would be my fears when it comes to moving in together. (Also 34 and female)
    Good luck!

  11. Hello,
    I'm 32 and he 42 met each other at work we were together for 4 years then separated from him because he distanced himself so much from me because he couldn't separate work and private. Have been separated for 1 1/2 years now and I miss him a lot by my side. Should I tell him how I feel Although he clearly says it doesn't work for him privately and professionally. I would be ready to swap shifts for him so that we only have the weekend.
    I just don't know what to do next

  12. Hello Mr. Sander,
    I've been separated from my partner for 8 months.
    We were together for 20 years, of which 17 years were married.
    He separated because of another woman and has been living with her for 6 months.
    Recently my father suddenly passed away and so did my ex
    was at the funeral too. At the end he said to me that I am always there for you.
    What is that supposed to mean.
    In between he lived with me and moved back to her after a few days.
    Do we still have a chance?
    My ex always needs approval from other women.

  13. Christian I've been in love with a man for 11/2 years who works abroad in Spain and only comes home 3 times a year. We are already older than 63/65 and I love him very much. He says he can no longer love. He has no feelings and emotions. We talk openly about it and don't hide anything. When he comes we have great sex and everything else is ok. But he still claims: he can't love, he's happy with me - but he just can't feel love. I think more He flanks and protects himself from relationship stress. I am very relaxed and do not believe him because he is really nice and affectionate - a bit bumpy sometimes but I am very calm and we rarely argue. He has no other girlfriend or lover. He is very decent and very busy. I trust him very much. What interests me: can it be that a normal healthy man does not develop any real feelings or that broken relationships can lead to disappointments or experiences a certain numbness or lack of emotion. He is also very loving and tender in bed and I can Not realizing that - everything is fine - only he claims to be so. I often laugh about it and say stop teasing - then he hugs me and kisses me and caresses me. I don't feel cheated by him, on the contrary, I am happy even if he claims - he cannot love. I think it's a protective claim. Please Christian answer me why men make such claims and don't stand by them. I am not worried about it Thank you Ulla

  14. Dear Ulla! "Everything else is ok ..." -Yes for him.
    I am 42 and unfortunately I think that this man takes advantage of you as long as he can, or that it is advantageous for him. With the initial statement: "I can no longer love ..." he makes it clear to you, but Popping goes to feelings or obligations, that doesn't work. Is the easiest and cheapest way for a man. At that age it could be more likely that he has a sick wife at home or wants to address a (younger) female target group that he cannot reach. Unfortunately, I have learned that with men the actions are usually twice as bad as "women" can think.

  15. Apparently women, no matter what age, talk to each other that a man would love them, even if he has repeatedly testified not to do it.
    Well, it's your own fault

  16. And what if said man suddenly arrives with plans to emigrate? After pretending sooo in love? I am angry and I am allowed to. He knew that beforehand and not only after four weeks of intensive getting to know each other and emotional drudgery. Pah. I can't help but get angry and put him in front of the door.
    And still it hurts. Because it was a good time with him and we would have liked to have continued.
    But that's how it is. Travelers are not supposed to be stopped and anger is a good way to dissipate. 🙂

  17. I just fall in love with a man but have only met him twice and we both have extremely hot sex, but he barely answers when I asked him if this is all just sex, he said, it is not just about me the sex ... Well since I saw him the last Msl there has been silence ... I don't know if I should get in touch, but I would like to have clarity, because the longing for him makes me sick. I ask for your advice, I am really desperate and I would really like to have more than just sex with this man.
    best regards

  18. Hey sophie,

    I've already read something about your problem.
    It's about signaling to him that your two meetings were nice and that you enjoyed it, but that it doesn't have to turn into a relationship right now ..

    Do you understand? A message according to the motto: “Hey you busy guy, it would be nice to meet up for a coffee soon .. I've been busy lately, I would be happy if it worked out. Do not let it get you!"

    And then take the pressure off him in a direct conversation that you can already hear the "wedding bells".
    Subtle flirting and saying that it was nice, but you didn't plunge into a relationship after two nice meetings .. so much to do at the moment / no time for a partner .. but you care a lot about him, especially he enriches you personally .
    And then live afterwards; Do something together and create a "connection".
    And then see how it develops ...

    In short: you see him as an affair and you like him humanly ... he should first prove whether more can develop out of it.


  19. Perfect: I had the same problem as Sophia. I LOVE him from the first second! But he felt pressured and withdrew! Then I wrote to him that I understand that he has a lot of stress and no time for a relationship, I'm also afraid of relationships and how he probably needs my freedoms. I offered him a casual affair (after 3 weeks of writing break) and lo and behold, he answered IMMEDIATELY! Also came the same evening!
    We talked, laughed, slept together and cuddled….
    Got the feeling with him that he likes me more because he always cuddles so much and still likes to be with me in the evening even though my children are there and don't give much peace….
    It always takes 1-2 weeks for him to contact you. Also said constant writing what I did at the beginning puts him under pressure. Now he gets one message a week and I'm looking forward to the next meeting….
    I'll let it go like this now and just see where it all leads! 👍

  20. Hello Christian,
    I have known a man for 4 months whom I meet sporadically. We don't always write to each other every day. the togetherness is wonderful, he is very attentive and seeks my closeness and is extremely tender. I thought it was the beginning of a dreamlike relationship. But then it gave me a pang, he made me understand that he has no feelings, but that I am very important to him.
    what can you advise me

  21. Dear Mr. Sander

    I - 52 years old - find myself in a hopeless situation. For four years friend with management stress, 6 years separated and unfortunately not yet divorced and difficult family circumstances. Daughter (14) in youth home with bars (prison) for those who are difficult to educate. Son (11) has behavioral problems. My friend often always with me on Facebook and mobile phone. Even when he goes to the toilet or the underground car park. Unfortunately, he doesn't take the truth very seriously. Little time for me. Very spontaneous. There is a lot of talk with little action. Nevertheless, three weeks ago we moved into a shared apartment. Didn't support me in the move. Was alone with reins. I was still in the hospital with a kidney stone. He visited me briefly. But hasn't been to my bed. Has sat down directly on the windowsill. Of course I was very disappointed. I communicated this to him too. Then the comment a few days ago. He doesn't want me to touch him and no sex. Last had sex four 4 weeks ago when my kidney collics started. We have too much arguments and are too different. Whether he has another. Def. Not, he has no time and is not doing well. I asked him what he wanted to do now. He doesn't know. Yesterday he said we can share a flat and he wants to have some peace and quiet. It is so that he is once again very stressed. You want to put your daughter in the strictest education home (Bern). And that for several years. Order by the KESP. I had a nervous breakdown last night. Didn't interest him. Basically, I'm not doing well at the moment. How should I behave?

  22. Hi Marlis,
    I would advise Camilla 22 to kick him out, he is 95% stranger but doesn't have the balls to tell you. When he has something “better” in hand, he will leave you.
    The whole thing is still a bit double-edged;
    On the one hand, people reflect their surroundings very much, i.e. if you are feeling bad because of your daughter or whatever, then that transfers to him and vice versa. It becomes a vicious circle that you can hardly get out of.
    The best thing you can do is start living again! Just like Mr. Sander said, because if you are emotionally happy and satisfied with yourself and radiate with joy and zest for life, this is also transferred to the people around you. Sure, that's easier said than done, but how about thinking about what you enjoy, something basic? Go to a club, e.g. a choir, or learn a new language or a new instrument, go aqua jogging (sport is very good for caring for your soul), sit in the sun and read a book, go for a walk or ride a bike. For everyday life you can also make a small box with lots; On each one you write something that makes you happy e.g. a hot chocolate with cream and sprinkles, a hot foam bath, bake a cake, go for a walk, use a face mask or visit a sauna, or go to the hairdresser.
    I can advise you to take care of yourself, then others will take care of you!

    Start living, settle down emotionally, and stay calm. Your daughter will also feel this when you visit her. Don't see this as an obstacle for both of you, but as an opportunity, then it will be easier to find something positive. A man who knows how to appreciate you will come (p.s. they don't knock on the door, that's why clubs are so practical) 😛

  23. Dear Christian,

    I'm pretty desperate, right now I'm at work and I actually think I know which way is the right one. Nevertheless, I (D) need some help.

    In short:
    I met my “friend” over two years ago ”. We had a long-distance relationship (he animator - you can now say what you want - abroad, I here). The plans he forged ("after that I will move in with you, we will lead a life together, child, dog, wedding") were my secret wishes. This went well until the time came for his contract to end. He lied to me (it was about money) and didn't get in touch overnight.

    Shortly afterwards we were in contact again; tried again. Until six months later he cheated on me with a guest because he went back to animation.

    Shortly before the end of this contract, he came up to me again. He sat in front of me crying, he still loves me and wants me back. We tried again. Everything seemed perfect. He lives "at home" 500km away from me. After almost 1 1/2 weeks (just before Christmas) he read my message in the evening and didn't answer. No more sign of life.

    When I wrote a long farewell letter after 2 weeks (he doesn't fight, doesn't try), I stupidly contacted him again 2 weeks later. We clarified everything: his problem is that he doesn't want to move away from home (to me), so he was afraid of destroying my dream and the relationship and breaking off contact was the easiest solution for him - better than talking to me about it.

    We agreed that there is no such thing as a solution - you love each other. He asked me if I would come to see him on the weekend, his aunt's birthday is celebrating his birthday and he would like me to be there.

    So I drove over 500km (easy), we spent the weekend and everything was good and beautiful as always. Now I've been home for 2 days and - oh wonder - read my good night message yesterday and have not seen any signs of life since. Break in contact. Again.

    A very, very, very confused story with many facets. And in principle it is clear to me that "hands off" can be the only correct solution. Only if, as he says, I am “THE WOMAN” and he is the man, because I would not have married that easy on the spot.

    Of his own accord (as always) he does not approach me 100% anymore. So "hands off"?

  24. Hello Christian, I don't know at the moment, I would be happy if you would contact me

    Kind regards


  25. Hello Christian,
    I fully recognize our relationship in your descriptions. However, I gave him all the freedom to do sports, for example, and didn't press him in long-distance relationships. Always said that it doesn't matter if you don't see each other. He always pushed for a weekend together.
    Now he's broken up with no notice. On the grounds that he is in a void. He no longer knows his feelings, neither for me nor for his job.
    He is still very helpful and immediately calls back on my text messages. But he doesn't want a relationship anymore and he doesn't want to see me either. What can I do?
    I only recently became sure that I love him and wanted to move in with him next year.
    What should I do?
    lg lisa

  26. Hi Lisa.
    Moving in with him is really a very, very bad idea. If a man just gets on with a woman, then firstly he is not sure what he wants, and secondly, he is in a position to have a relatively sensible relationship.
    That means: if you get involved with him, the whole relationship will be like that.
    And it's sure to get you down by now.
    I don't want to imagine how you have to feel when you have to go through this every day or week.
    I can only advise you, stay away! Someone who really loves you or has feelings for you doesn't play with you like that.

  27. Hello Christian,

    my husband Christian also separated from me three months ago. We have been together for 13 years and have been married for 11 years. The separation is not the first, but already the third spatial separation ...
    Whatever the reason, we always get caught up in the same maelstrom, problems are discussed outside, so-called false friends interfere, influence my husband (and he can be influenced very much) and it crashes.
    We have several properties together, so we are committed to each other. After the initial war and the spatial separation, calm has now returned.
    How can I get him to get involved again?
    On the one hand, I don't feel like it anymore because we haven't got out of the cycle so far, but on the other hand I love him very much and am very disappointed that these so-called friends (mention that they are village companies that you have known for 2 years) are more important ...
    I'm really desperate and need your advice because I want to try one last time to save my marriage.
    I am looking forward to your answer,
    LG Sandra

  28. Hello Mr. Sander!

    I have a question for you? What should I do? I met a man, at first everything was ok. It started with, he was with me 2-3 times. In the meantime he said he fell in love with me. Then he asked me if I could imagine growing old with him. From Friday to Saturday he was with me and in the afternoon he wrote, he is sorry but he wished me all the best for the future and I will find the right one. And in the evening I got another text message whether I would like to come to him or have sex. I of course agreed. I asked him last Sunday before I was with him. He said he didn't want a relationship - because he thought he was gone from his ex. But it's not like that. If he starts a relationship now, it tightens with him. Then I said to him, I'll give you a tip - he should come to terms with his past. The funny thing is, he couldn't look at me. He looked away or at the ground. and scribbled on his hands. And he just wants sex with me now. The last time we said goodbye with a kiss and today he wrote that he is already looking forward to it. and today i made the mistake of asking him if he has any other sex relationships. I got no answer from him. Please tell me what I should, may or can do. Does he like me or not? Please answer. Kind regards Brigitte

  29. Dear Christian
    Do you have any tips about long-distance relationships?
    I'm really desperate at the moment because it leaves me stewing in uncertainty ..
    He doesn't know if he wants to try any more .. Whether we'll see each other (flight has already been booked) ... I'm mentally exhausted ... Now he's just gone with friends at the seaside and I am back alone with 1000 + 1 thoughts
    I don't know what to do and how to behave ..

    Kind regards

  30. hello christian can you send me good tips by e-mail I need them very urgently. love greeting nadine.k.

  31. Hello Christian,

    that just shocked me. Because the way you describe the needs of men are also my needs.
    I have never been able to find a man with whom I can experience forays through nature, travel into the unknown, get to know the country and its people, etc. together.
    I always have to find the right friend or “travel group” for something like this.
    Even with cultural experiences and a nice ball, it will be difficult to get a partner to do it.
    Most of the time, I have the feeling that men are only interested in their job, a café or bar, a visit to a restaurant and otherwise prefer to read the newspaper than to have interesting conversations.
    They have maximum understanding for children and the upbringing of children, but they hardly get involved, although children need both parents to get an objective orientation for their life.
    Now I'm an atypical woman. I am a self-employed engineer and otherwise very independent and self-confident. I look average and as a student I experienced how the "dream world as a model" (only modeled on the side) works.
    I also never had the problem of finding a man I wanted that men wouldn't want to commit. Even today I still have the problem that men often turn out to be a “sham” because they don't stand for what they really are but do everything to make it clear to me that they are the right person.
    As a woman you should obviously be very "feminine" (- what do you mean by that?) And still be self-confident and independent.
    Best wishes

  32. Monika, thank you for your execution. These are exactly my experiences and I have to experience again and again that as a self-confident woman with an opinion, a life of my own with interests from men, I want to be trampled on my ego. They look for my weak point (the developing love with my values ​​that I also live: loyalty, fidelity and appreciation) and then they kick it.

    What's the matter with the men? I give him the freedom to enjoy spending time with him and then have to make insulting, unnecessary insinuations of jealousy. Then comes the punishment, namely no reporting or replies from him and I should feel bad then? Because of a man who lacks his male ego and makes himself a victim? Then possibly cheating and again it is the woman who is supposed to take apart?

    I am z. Currently not sure if I want to deal with these questions further. In any case, unmanly men only annoy me.


  33. Hello Christian,

    I'm desperate. My friend told me at the weekend that he needed some space to think and a little time for himself, as he was currently dissatisfied with his life. It wasn't up to me. He then sent me away and, however, kissed me goodbye.
    Actually, I'm not the type who makes everything dependent on my partner and still he reacts that way. If I don't get in touch that often in the meantime, he'll always get angry very quickly because I'm supposedly not interested in him. Now is it all supposed to be too much again ?! I do not know how to continue….

  34. Hello Mr. Sander

    I've only known my partner for half a year. When we first met, I was only recently single. He was married for a short time and is now in a divorce. We fell in love very quickly and love with a man has never felt so good in my life. We saw each other very often and everything was just right for both of us. He didn't put any pressure on me, but this relationship came out very well from him. He always told me how different I was from his ex-wife and that with me he could just be himself. He told me early on that I love you and that I should always stay with him.
    In November he had an accident, which is why he has not been able to do sports or work for about 3 months. I myself have the feeling that this burdens him a lot, including the divorce (although this ex-wife is no longer an issue for him).
    In the last few weeks he was often out and about with his colleagues at the weekend and didn't get in touch during this time. This unsettled me and also bothered me a bit, so I asked him about it several times, and he also apologized. Still, he told me twice that I was narrowing it down. It was very difficult for me because otherwise he always showered me with compliments and messages.
    In a conversation he told me that everything had happened so quickly, that I was such a great woman, but he just didn't know whether he would fit into such a relationship pattern again. Maybe he should have been alone for a while first. He is absolutely not about other women, but about independence. He just hasn't known what he wants for days ... relationship or freedom and this although his feelings for me are supposedly still there. I told him that I would like to give him more freedom because he is very important to me.
    After a wonderful weekend with him. Suddenly his doubts are there again and I just don't know why. He says he's not in the mood for anything. I am very worried and have now made the suggestion that I give him time and we don't hear each other for a week and then meet. He also consented to that. I'm just so scared of losing him and don't know how to proceed ...
    I read your “text” and it impressed me very much. I just think that my problem is already in a worse phase. Can you please help me?

    Thank you Nadine

  35. Hello,
    The problem I have is that I keep arguing with him about his friends.
    I think it's good that he made friends, but I think they pull him down too much ...
    He only got to know her after me and there is a bunch of drunkards and some even take stronger things than alcohol ...
    I have concerns that at some point they will drag him into this addiction and he will crash.
    I tried to talk to him, but as soon as I bring up the topic (normally!), He immediately becomes aggressive and defends his "friends".
    I think they're just wrong friends. There are enough decent ones who don't have to give themselves up or get stoned every weekend or even every weekday.
    What should I do?
    I feel worse and worse with it. I've tried to ignore it, to be normal, to be happy sometimes ... but if he comes home drunk or doesn't come home at all, I'm not looking forward to anything anymore ...
    I just don't have the strength to deal with it anymore. I've already tried to do something with my friends (his friends don't like me) but he doesn't care a bit.
    I would appreciate help because I am at the end of my line.

  36. Hello Mr. Sander,
    I feel like Lilly. We met 3 years ago and had contact every now and then via meetings or text messages and we had great conversations about all kinds of things, I already liked him very much at the time, but he was married and there was no thought of it going on. After his divorce over a year ago he started to compliment me more and more, to flirt with me, at first I thought the whole thing was fun because it's his way, but at some point he called and asked if she was there Rumors are true I had someone else. I didn't and I told him too. Then I wondered if there was something to it, because when I asked how it looks with him with love, he made a comment, so to speak, I would be more like the right one for him. When he kissed me on the cheek at a meeting and I realized that I liked it, I later texted him that I would like to have more contact with him. As a result, he did not contact me for 3 months and at the next random meeting he completely ignored me. A month later I texted him that I cannot and will not forget him. Then he reported that I don't have to, but the distance bothers him. When we agreed to meet for coffee, he said he had sleepless nights because of me because he didn't know if he wanted a relationship (he had a difficult divorce). Now I have the same problem as Lilly. Sometimes he answers, then nothing for ever. Letting it fidget doesn't help because it doesn't seem to bother him and I'm going crazy. Understanding (because he had a difficult divorce) doesn't help either because he always thinks I want to ingratiate myself and he doesn't like that either and it doesn't get me any further. A few months later he wrote me by sms that he could not imagine a relationship with me, with four reasons that are not in principle because they are easy to get rid of, then I offered him friendship, because we are professionally yes also to see from time to time and that should have orderly paths. Once again got no answer. At the next professional meeting, it wasn't like in the past, but it wasn't a silent film either. I have no idea where I am or what to do. I am incredibly fond of him and would love to win him over, but how? Greetings, in the hope of some advice.

  37. It's funny we're in business contact before we never talked intensively or for a long time, he was always brief. For a short time it has been the case that when I meet a man that he constantly calls me at the moment and asks where I am meeting him or how long it would take me. I also jump for him now and do things that I would never have done for a man before. Even when I'm on the highway, he calls and tells me to drive carefully. Even when we see each other, he puts on his best smile for me and I for him. He always says he trusts me well I trust him too. He also accepts stress for me. What should I think of that. He does a lot for me and I give myself a tip for him, I don't know what to do next. Does he have feelings for me or not. I already fell in love with him. He's a foreigner ... Lg hope for an answer

  38. Hello,

    I've already read through a few ebooks and tried to follow the tips. Unfortunately, I still don't see any real success with my current candidate. We got to know each other back then as commuters and as long as the journey lasted we had a lot of fun. Since we keep email contact and now also SMS contact. I just really don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes he comes up to me, only to withdraw completely afterwards, which I grant him. Sometimes he calls by himself and writes to me and then all of a sudden I don't hear from him for weeks. Unfortunately, we live far apart and cannot just meet. He often emphasized that I would live so far away. Is that a real obstacle for him now? Is it just too comfortable? Somehow I have the feeling that at the beginning (half a year ago!) He was more interested. I've heard from him regularly and he wasn't that distant either. Some time ago I was on vacation and he said I should definitely get in touch with him after the vacation! Now he's on vacation and should be back, but he just doesn't answer! Once he said why I would wait until I get in touch. After all, it would always take longer with him.
    My tactic of letting him fidget doesn't work because he makes me wait forever for an answer almost every time. Sometimes, however, he also writes immediately and then again an insane amount that I don't even know what is going on again. We finally wanted to see each other again, but somehow he always uses words like: “Maybe we'll see each other again soon.” That sounds to me as if he wasn't really planning to! Somehow it always goes up and down, emotional and distant again! I've already told him that I don't feel like just being someone he needs when he feels alone. Now I've made the mistake again and sent him a text message yesterday after his vacation. Unfortunately there was no answer again. Before his vacation, he even said that he knew he should get more involved. Then why doesn't he just do that? I don't feel like it anymore either! How should you behave here as a woman? Distance is useless, and understanding is useless. I don't want to impose myself and urge him to see us again. I think he should make the suggestion and not me!
    Some time ago he also indicated that he would like me a lot and that he found my way great and that it would be a shame if we didn't see each other again. Mhh I don't know what to do next. At the moment I'm just trying to forget it and if nothing comes up, that's it.
    Many Thanks!

  39. Hello Christian, your e-books are really very interesting to read
    and your explanations also make perfect sense in my eyes!

    And yet I wonder if it can be the right man at all
    when you first have to bend or adapt yourself to get / hold THAT a certain man / or to first draw attention to yourself?

    I do think about many points from your articles and I will certainly take some tips to heart in the future, thank you for that! But to get to the point again, if it doesn't seem to work with the chosen one from the start and you have to / should / or want to completely bend in order to become compatible - is it the right one?

    I would be happy to hear your opinion!

    Thank you very much, Izzy

  40. Hello Izzy! 🙂

    I feel the same way. Sometimes I'm really insecure. I also have the feeling that there are men who react differently to female reluctance. Like my candidate, for example. I react cautiously to show him that I didn't like the fact that he didn't answer for almost two weeks after calling every day, sometimes twice. But so far it has not "paid off". Or how long does it take the gentlemen to realize that they miss us? After almost two weeks of abstinence, he wrote to me on WhatsApp that he was not doing well, he would miss me. I just replied to that. Where have you been? And sent an uncertainly smiling smiley face. I wanted to set boundaries for him and show that I was hurt. But so far there has been no answer. If he wrote to me yesterday that he missed me and didn't react again, I don't know how to react ... First I sent him a message and asked: What's wrong? Smiley face. But I deleted them again. Sometimes I am really insecure. My feeling tells me that and the “rules” say something else… But if I stick to the rules, it doesn't always work…. He is a Muslim and when it was Ramadan he was also reluctant. But at least he got in touch one evening. In the last week of June everything was back to normal, almost like at the beginning. And then we still called normally on Thursdays. After that there was no radio for 12 days ... I don't know how to react. Would be grateful for ideas. : :)