How do you get a lover

Secret affair: why so many cheat and what it REALLY means for the relationship

An affair is not automatically immoral. After all, it's not just those who cheat. An affair is also when two singles don't want a steady relationship, just non-committal fun. This variant, also known as friendship plus or friends with benefits, has its own rules of the game.

But what if an affair is infidelity? Then the whole thing becomes much more complicated, painful and unfair. The hurt, betrayed partner, the lover who might hope for more, the remorse and moral reproaches that one has oneself. There is little that can really be fair talk.

But no matter how indignant most people react to cheating: It is a mistake that an affair only happens to people with weak character. If you ask about it, you notice: a lot of people cheat. The exact numbers are of course in the dark.

Sometimes it says 39 percent of women and 51 percent of men (Glamor survey) have cheated on them before. Another survey comes to 25 percent of men and 31 percent of women (eDarling.de).

You can't and shouldn't lump these people together. Affairs don't always happen out of boredom or out of a desire for excitement and sex. Even people who are in a happy relationship can get caught up in an affair. Because the temptation is great or because you simply fell in love.

In the video: A partner is unfaithful - what's next?

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The attraction of the forbidden or a distraction?

The fact that affairs are particularly attractive today may also be due to the fact that we are constantly on the lookout for "faster, higher, further". Partnerships are faster and a lifelong marriage is an absolute rarity. One is afraid of missing out on something, of not enjoying life enough. The wild and romantic affair fits well into the picture. Suddenly you get noticed again, everything is new and exciting.

Stress, everyday life and worries are forgotten for a few hours when you meet your lover. Also important: The secrecy and the forbidden thing about the affair not only make you feel guilty, but - as unfair as that sounds - for thrills, adrenaline and a touch of adventure.

An affair is not always the end of the relationship

Another explanation is often given when someone is cheating: If you find another person attractive, something in the partnership must be missing or not right. But is it really that easy?

Ultimately - this was the result of surveys conducted by the dating website Victoria Milan among 3874 users - the clear majority of foreigners do not separate for the new acquaintance. Nine out of ten respondents stayed in their old relationship. And only a third had the idea to seriously end the affair. So it can't necessarily be due to a miserable relationship. At least she turns out to be very stable in contrast to the new acquaintance.

Can the feeling last?

The victim of an affair is not only the betrayed partner, but ultimately also the lover. Because he usually has no idea how bad his chances are. More than half of the strangers in a relationship lie to their affair by promising a fresh start.

48 percent of those questioned wisely did not even mention wanting to leave their partner. And that although a full 88 percent of lovers expect exactly that. No wonder that this imbalance quickly puts an end to the loose affair. As soon as it gets complicated and more binding, you run away. Most affairs do not last longer than six months, a maximum of two or three years.

Can an affair turn into great love?

Sigrud Vedal, founder of Victoria Milan, does not necessarily see the affair as a desire to start over with the lover: "Reduce stress, little adventure, some passion - you can call it what you want, but people choose to fling, because they want to flee from an unhappy marriage or relationship for a short time - not forever. "

Should you really break up for the affair, the new relationship is usually not a lucky star. Because if the charm of the forbidden disappears and everyday life begins, the big feelings are often a thing of the past. Especially since they both know of each other that the other has been unfaithful before. Certainly not a good basis of trust for a new love.

Why do men cheat?

Here are the answers.

Is your partner having an affair?

Here are the main signs of infidelity.

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