Is it wrong to inspire others?
How you can make other people happy.
This could be the shortest post ever, because the answer is:
NOT AT ALL.
And I'll also explain why.
1. You have responsibility for your own life.
And that is at the same time the worst and the nicest news of all.
Because that means that - no matter what others do, think, say, want or not - YOU can ultimately decide what you want.
One day you will stand before God, and when asked what you have done to your life, you will find it difficult to say:
“So this: I actually WANTed to travel / study art / learn Spanish / be happy every day. But then my mother-in-law / child / pastor / best friend found that this was not a good idea. For many different reasons. "
And God like this:
“I'll talk to the others later, but what about YOU? What did YOU decide? "
I have written it many times, but the deep awareness that I have absolute, full and unconditional responsibility for my life makes me very happy.
Because that means:
you do what is important and necessary for YOU.
You have the opportunity (and somehow also the duty) to live this life that has been given to you as fulfilled, happy, strong and generous as it is in your power.
No one else can do it for you - and no one can prevent it.
So you cannot hold other people responsible and complain or blame unfortunate circumstances - because in the end YOU decide.
No matter how unjust has happened to you, no matter how gloomy, exhausting, confusing, hopeless or terrible:
You can still get up inside and decide for yourself that you refuse to be desperate.
You can choose to have this problem not kill you.
You can decide that every challenge only makes you stronger, and afterwards you are freer, happier and more relaxed (instead of being bitter, more fearful or more cautious, as the challenge would like to have.)
In the end, you're the boss in the ring.
You are the king in your life - and you can rule this kingdom as beautifully, lovingly, magnificently and generously as you want it to be.
You will then be able to make the decisions that are necessary to keep it this way:
you ward off attacks from outside, banish people who want to destroy your kingdom, and put everything in perfect order.
Or, as it is called in technical jargon:
you trust love that it will fix everything.
Very lovingly, patiently, at the perfect step-by-step pace, without any compulsion, external pressure or any fears.
That she mostly does it by herself is surprising and nice at the same time;).
By the way, loving means consistent, decisive, clear and unambiguous - that's your life.
2. What applies to you applies to others.
This responsibility, this freedom, this responsibility for one's own life is the greatest gift of all.
It cannot be replaced by anything and applies to everyone without exception.
So if you relieve someone of some of this responsibility, then you interfere in things that are none of your business.
You undermine his authority (he's the King of HIS country, right?), You take the lead in an area that is not yours, you question the person and make them inferior.
"But Joanna, I would never do that!"
I assure you that you do this several times a day - without any intention and with the best of intentions.
This is very, very fine, in most cases it runs subliminally, and sounds so normal and harmless that no one would notice.
Every time you try to balance someone's mood.
Every time you say or don't say certain things to make the person feel better.
Every time YOU feel bad or responsible or guilty about someone else's state of mind - when you can't help it.
Every time you are no longer yourself and pay more attention to the needs of the other than your own, even if they severely limit you - then the areas of responsibility mix and nobody - I repeat: NO ONE is really happy with it be.
This “taking responsibility for the mood of others” can range from “be quiet so dad doesn't get upset” to “I hope my date will enjoy the evening” to “Are all family members happy on vacation?”, Or even more subtle .
The palette is as varied and as numerous as the people and situations.
But in the end it always comes down to the same thing:
you want to do everything (or not, depending on the situation) so that the other is happy.
If the person is obviously not happy, then you feel responsible and do whatever you can to change that.
The result is the constant crossing of boundaries by the respective personalities - imagine it this way: it is as if you step across the border of another country without permission and want to change everything there.
It is sometimes more, sometimes less obvious, but always the same sauce of manipulation, subliminal expectations, emotional games and so on.
Everything has nothing to do with love, even though it is meant so dearly - in truth, however, it is a disregard and degradation of the other person.
“But Joanna, I wish from the bottom of my heart that the other person is happy - and I suffer when he is unhappy. I love him so much! "
I know exactly what you mean!
And that's exactly what we'll get to in a moment - but first let's see how you can keep your kingdom free from terrorists.
3. How to ward off external attacks.
Any attempt to blame yourself for someone else's whim is a crossing of boundaries - and the most comfortable and at the same time most effective way to make BOTH unfree.
Even if it sounds understandable at first, and happens very subtly or subliminally - do you feel even the smallest bit guilty, want to please the person, or just "that they are happy and satisfied", you already have crossed the line.
That can be a sigh.
Or a look (that says more than a thousand words, for example: "If only you weren't like this ... then I would be happier.")
Or a direct assignment of blame, such as "Because you did that ... I'm back ...".
For some, this "making others right" has become so deeply rooted that they unconsciously check in every situation: "How is the other person doing right now?" Is he happy Is he feeling fine? Does everything still fit? Should I do something to make him feel more comfortable? "
The game types are infinitely varied, but the end result is always the same:
you feel responsible, you react to it, and there is an assault.
With every attack you lose a piece of your uniqueness and personality - always only in small steps so that you allow it and it doesn't become too conspicuous.
"O.K., Joanna, and how do I stop?"
By making a decision.
You are not responsible for a happy home at all - you are only responsible for making YOU happy.
You don't have to make your partner happy - he or she is responsible for being happy.
You don't have to make your children happy - you guide your children to become happy people.
This is not meant to be selfish or self-centered in any way - because it does not mean neglect of your practical tasks in general, nor an emotional coldness - I am just saying that you are not responsible for keeping the mood up.
And when teenagers want to be in a bad mood and the man stressed - ok, your decision.
But is not your business, not your beer, not your business, you do not allow yourself to be involved, accused, emotionally blackmailed or influenced at all.
"But Joanna, that actually sounds emotionally cold!"
On the surface it might look like this, I'll admit it.
Because for the first time you refuse to get involved in things that are not your job.
For the first time you don't cross a border and allow everyone to shape their country the way they want.
For the first time, you trust the other person to be able to get their state of mind under control - because just like you, everyone else can make the decisions for themselves.
I can ensure you:
that gives stress at first.
Those who have put everything on your shoulders do not like to give up their passivity and lethargy: you made yourself comfortable, didn't have to change anything (why even if the other person is to blame?), And instead made demands, or be it through a casual sentence (“If you didn't have it then, then I could now…”), or purposefully placed sighs.
And now it should just be over?
So you are guaranteed to be labeled as emotionally cold, and in general "you have changed" and "this is supposed to be love?"
There is a saying in English that says:
"Make mom happy. If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
I think that's the greatest nonsense - it describes exactly this “Does it please mom, so that everyone else is happy.” - Mindset.
So here nobody has to make mom happy: I myself make sure that I feel good inside.
And if something or someone makes me permanently unhappy, then I make decisions and take steps - but don't blame anyone for it.
4. How you make others happy.
As a love ambassador, you of course have an output - and this is called: love.
And you can love best of all when you are so free, so relaxed, so spontaneous, so happy, so fulfilled, so amused and as much as you can yourself, because otherwise it doesn't mean love, but
So to do something (dear if you like) to achieve something with it.
But love doesn't want to achieve anything.
Love doesn't want anything from you.
She loves you just like that, with no ulterior motives, intentions or a specific goal - love CAN only love.
In concrete terms, this means that you have the greatest power, the greatest penetration, and the greatest effectiveness, if you are exactly like this:
free, informal, spontaneous, happy, fulfilled, amused - as much yourself as you can.
This love has a lightness AND a power.
She is gentle and strong at the same time.
It looks harmless and is the complete opposite of that because it simply erases all negatives.
In it you shine so strongly that it is automatically transferred to others - and to everyone who wants just that.
You are then simply YOU, and all you do is leave a trail of happiness behind - for lack of alternatives!
You can't prevent it:
you love people, do them good, give them a compliment (which brings tears to their eyes because it was so honest and so accurate), another time you almost casually say “Oh, fuck it!” (and that has such a power that you wake up from the tunnel vision at this very second), someone smiles at them and helps someone else here.
Most of the time you don't do anything, but it doesn't matter because you love B I S T.
You yourself enjoy all of this most of all, and in the next second you forgot about it:
in this way you remain free from everything you have experienced and are not pushed by something external.
You meet everyone with the firm conviction that you are the best that has ever happened to them (whether partner, customer, child or friends) - and you are happy that they have the opportunity to be around you.
Completely free from arrogance or overconfidence, you simply know how precious you are and how precious what emanates from you is.
You just make people happy because you exist!
So you make everyone an offer - whether they accept it or not is their decision.
ONLY his decision, you are not responsible.
And not to interfere in his decision (ALTHOUGH YOU KNOW SO WELL WHAT WOULD HELP HIM) is the greatest appreciation and love you can show him.
When you love someone, you let them go.
“But Joanna, that's not always the case with me. I'm often just annoyed or in a bad mood, I don't make anyone happy! "
But (and be careful now, if you haven't understood anything else so far, then this is the all-important thing!) The way to get there is NOT to look where it doesn't work everywhere.
The way there is:
“Joanna says I am love, so I am love even if I am only 1% of the day. And I completely forgot yesterday. "
You simply identify with it completely, and ignore everything to the contrary - that does not mean that you are lying to yourself, just that your FOCUS is not on failure, but on love.
And that's the turbo in love, you can't look that fast!
I happen to know that very well;).
My request to you today is:
No matter where you are at the moment - do NOT constantly check the mood of the others today and tomorrow, but decide that you stay in a good mood.
Today and tomorrow you are ONLY responsible FOR YOU.
You are not impressed by what others think, feel and do - no matter what is going on in their countries and borders.
You stay in your kingdom, keep the borders closed to terrorists, and steal like a love ambassador shines.
"And, honey, what have you been doing all day today?"
“Well, I sent the message. Message with lighting during the day and in the evening. "
What you just do.
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