How can I change my hypochondriacal mindset?
The stay in the clinic was important for structuring my everyday life
I'm still taking the medication. About two years ago I decided to check whether I still needed the tablets and stopped using them. At first it went very well. Nothing has changed after stopping it: My condition has neither got worse nor better. But about three quarters of a year later I was on vacation outside Europe and I suspect that I was fully back in a few hours, also because of the shift in sleep phases. I sat in the hotel room and cried and didn't want to go outside because everything seemed threatening to me. I was afraid of not finding my way around this strange place. It then took me about eight weeks to get back to where I was before I stopped taking the medication.
Thank goodness the old drug worked again. That's not always like that. Only then did I really understand that depression is also a physical illness. Something is not going well in the brain. Now I am taking the medication regularly as prescribed. I tolerate the medication very well and have no side effects. My doctor prescribes the tablets for me and we do regular blood tests, for example to check the liver values.
Going to the doctor when you suspect one is often very difficult. Sometimes it helps to write down how you are doing, how you are feeling, what worries you have, how you sleep. If you can't tell, you can give it to your doctor. It is often difficult to put into words how you are at the doctor's, and sometimes the doctor doesn't get the right idea. I also find it very important to talk to my partner and friends about it. And not trying to endure severely depressed states. It has to be talked about because only then can it be treated.
I think it is very nicely expressed when depression is expressed as a disease of “lack ofness”: hopelessness, numbness and so on. You really lack everything: the ability to enjoy something and the ability to empathize with others has been completely lost in some cases. You live in a gray, meaningless, unattractive world. I have often heard: “What does he have, he has a job, earns enough money, has an attractive wife, two great children, a semi-detached house, a car - what does he want ?!” Many believe that depression is a crisis of meaning. That is weird and completely wrong. Depression is also a physical condition. You lose the feeling and with it everything that makes life beautiful for you.
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